Giving up driving and the independence it affords is among the top life issues the older set faces in this season of challenges. .And one of the most sensitive
Straight out of the story "Driving Miss Daisy" by Alfred Uhry, my mother gave up her car keys when her 2001 Lincoln Continental was totaled and towed away. She is still mad about it. The car looked real good but the insurance company deemed it unsafe due to the high water it encountered in our big flood a couple of years back. Now, Mom had been in a wheel chair for 6 months at the time of that flood and unable to drive that car herself, but like Miss Daisy she required it for her getting around. Before being wheelchair-bound she was known to drive up past the fire lane at the grocery store, parking her pretty Lincoln nearly in the sliding doors. Wall-walking into the store, (look it up), she would shop for a couple of hours using the cart as a walker. The clerks or the store manager or a good Samaritan would help load her and her purchases in the car when she got done at the checkout. NO, I did not encourage or allow this! She just did it-sneaky little old lady! And it scared me to bits! Giving up her car was one of the hardest things she had to face and she didn't make it easy on me when she faced it!
My stepfather gave over his keys voluntarily one day after he got lost on the way to his bank. Bumping parked cars and other unfortunate obstacles had not deterred him. He had even undergone a driving proficiency study which he proudly pronounced rated him a safe driver. (He scared the daylights out of me!) But being "lost" on familiar roads alarmed him enough to give it up.
My friend Alice was still driving at 89 years of age. Slow. Careful. I truly do not remember what made her stop driving but I seem to recall that she was just feeling insecure. I know that she had a heightened sense of speed, occasionally complaining that I was driving too fast-doing the speed limit on the highway-when we traveled together.
George, a WWII and Korean War fighter pilot, was the case that ....well, in his last year of driving at age 91, he managed to get big dents in every side of his car. Had no idea how they got there, he claimed. George was known to drive right up the middle of the road at high speed. If you saw him coming the best practice was to pull over. George made left turns across traffic, with or without a signal, ignoring (?) oncoming cars. His driving days ended when both of his cars were destroyed in that same flood that took Momma's Lincoln. He had to get a rental car. My cousin took him to the agency and rode back with him the 20 minute trip home. She called me later, on the verge of hysteria. Said she could have been killed three times on that drive, at one point throwing her leg over to the driver side to slam on brakes when he wasn't stopping to avoid hitting the car ahead of him. She and her husband disabled the car and told George it needed to be returned to the agency for mechanical repairs. They asked me to have "the talk" with him. I did. It was heartbreaking. How you gonna ground a war hero? But these days he menaces the neighborhood behind the wheel of his ancient golf cart. Beware bushes, mailboxes and inattentive children!
How Do I Know It Is Time?
"The Talk"
Where Do We Go From Here?
Giving up driving presents new problems for the elders and the ones that love and tend to them. They still need to get groceries and sundries, they still want to go places and do things, and there are the many medical appointments to make.
Family and friends generally become the first line replacements for driving independently but I can testify that this can be a burden and a source of tension and conflict for all concerned. Fortunately, there are other options and more are becoming available all the time.
- Taxis remain a familiar and easily accessed means of getting from here to there. (But I put a magnet with the number for our local cab company on George's refrigerator and old George has not called them yet!)
- Uber and Lyft and services like these are available in more and more communities. Ordering and paying online may require support from computer/smart phone savvy helpers.
- GoGoGrandparent is a service I recently learned about which is geared to the elderly folks who need simple tech and provides scheduled and on-request rides paid for through an online account. Other services are available as well. Check their site for details at https://gogograndparent.com/
- Local Senior Services agencies will have listings for volunteer drivers and public services which provide transportation assistance for your particular area
What senior driving alternatives have you heard of? Success stories? Do you have any advice for seniors or caregivers facing the challenge of losing their driving independence? Please share with us so we can pass them along to others!
Never forget we are all trying to figure out how to live upward in challenging times! Be gentle with each other, whatever you do! Sorry I was absent in December but I will make it up to you this year. Big old love to you, Lisa
